The Blemish of Singleness

Hi all,
So the following is an excerpt that I typed up from a Boundless podcast (Boundless is a Focus on the Family thing for 20-somethings). When I listened to it, it struck me how much I could identify with what was being said. So much of the time my married friends just don’t seem to understand how I feel about being single. It feels like they are always down playing it. And while I understand that marriage is hard and frustrating at times, it almost feels as though they are only focusing on the bad.

I hate being single! I hate standing on the side lines watching my friends all move forward with their lives. I hate hearing comments like, “No you don’t want a boyfriend” or “It’s not worth it” whenever I say anything about being alone or wanting someone. And yet, when asked if they would rather be single, the answer is always no.

I realize that what I’ve said and what is below may strike a cord for some of you. My intention isn’t to upset anyone, but just to get my thoughts and feelings out. I realize that I’m not perfect. I know I’ve said, “It’s not worth it.” And really, dating for the sake of dating isn’t worth it. But dating for the sake of marriage is. The thing is I can’t seem to find a guy who’s interested in dating for the sake of marriage. Or at least not one that’s my age.

I’m sure that for the single people out there, you’ll be able to identify. And for the married people I hope you can simply remember what your single days were like.

-Cherry


The Blemish of Singleness
by Patrick Dunn

Remember the shock, the terror and disbelief of your first pimple? You stared, spent hours in front of the mirror. Did almost anything to hide it, the way to much makeup thing, the band aid trick, where you told everyone, “Uh yeah, my dog scratched me,” but you only had goldfish. Or, like the fake beard, “Umm, I’m celebrating Rabbi days aren’t you?” Or if you decided, “Cha whatever, I don’t care.” You know you did. Anytime you looked in the mirror or talked to someone you thought about the pimple.

Well, that’s how being single can feel sometimes. You try to ignore it, cover it up, make excuses, but it’s always there. Lurking! Here’s part of an e-mail from a girl I know, basically she’s venting to her sister and has her top 5 issues about being single, I’ll give you her issues and a few of my own thoughts.

Number 1 from her. Something happened when I turned 23, I ooze singleness. Anyone and everyone is currently trying to set me up with anyone and everyone. “Oh he’s male he’s perfect,” “oh he goes to church he’s perfect.” Well, here’s the thing, when girls are being set up, your friends and family are usually thinking “he would be great for her” or “they would be such a cute couple.” When this starts happening to a guy, its usually because someone feels sorry for you.

Number 2. Creepy men think that one thing in common is grounds for asking you out on a date. Now girls you laugh, but guys are in a tough spot. You know we’re supposed to be the “pursuer”. But this is major pressure. I know, there are guys out there that have made pursuing a hobby; they kinda left out the commitment part. Or there’s other guys that could earn a degree in pickup lines. But most of us are just the opposite; we have no idea what to say to a girl we’re interested in. Sometimes that one thing in common, it’s all we’ve got to strike up a conversation. “Eh, I see you’re eating food, yeah I need food too, it’s crazy how God gave us both teeth.” I was proud of myself for actually saying anything to a girl I was interested in, and after all that effort, you hate to think you’ve been filed into the creepy guy box.

Number 3. Meeting desperate men. When guys turn 23 they all of a sudden feel rushed to find a spouse. Avoid these men at all costs. You know this is scary, for all of us! And guys we’ve all met the girl whose biological clock is ticking.

Number 4. Single comments from Dad. He must think I’m pathetic. You know there is a point in everyone’s life where they know their parents are starting to worry about them. Really this is one of them, the years pass, you’re still not in a serious relationship, Mom smiles and says, “That’s ok dear, it’s all in God’s timing, right?” Yet her thoughts are racing, “What did we do wrong? I knew we shouldn’t have moved into the country! Maybe it was the super hero pajamas!”

Number 5. Hearing the never ending question, “Are you dating anyone? . . . No. Oh, oh well.” We all know how it feels to smile and say, “No, not right now.” But inside our thoughts are racing, “What’s wrong with me? Was it the super hero pajamas?”

But really being single is frustrating. It is like that pimple. It’s so hard to avoid. You see couples everywhere, you’re caught playing the “How did that person get someone” game. Or you start wondering “what wrong with me?” for a while I was convinced somehow that I was secretly crowned, the “czar of nerds” or emitted some strange high pitched shriek that only girls could hear. Sure, you can take the “I have more time for Jesus” approach and really some of the most powerful time in my life were when it was just God and me and I couldn’t use relationships as a crutch, and a way to fill me. But even then, I still wished I was with someone. Or you can decide, “I don’t need anyone I have plenty of friends! In my, uh, online world.” But, hu, here’s the thing, hanging out with your alter ego SIMS avatar or spending hours as one of War Lords Zargotor’s freedom fighters online doesn’t really count. And since we’ve been divinely created for relationship, it can be tough to be alone.

Really, being single seems like one of life’s great mysteries. Some of your friends will say, “Just let it go and trust God’s timing” while others tell you, “It’s your duty to find a mate! Get’er done!” Here’s all I know, God is God, and he can do whatever he wants. After years of being single, I married. Of course someday my children will graduate from high school, see me in the stands and yell, “Grandpa’s here!” I mean, I don’t understand why things turned out the way they did, there was a lot of growth, a lot of adventure I probably couldn’t have had if I’d married early and also a few train wrecks. But when I look at where I’m at and who he eventually placed into my life, it was all worth it. And I pray you’ll be able to say the same thing someday, if you’re single. Even if right now you feel like you did when you saw that first pimple.

Business Minor

I got a C in my Finance class! So I officially have my business minor! Hooray no more business classes. One semester and I'm DONE!!!

Blessings

While all is not resolved, I do have one piece of good news.

I talked to my teacher about a question that I had missed on the test and he is going to give me the point. He is also giving the entire class 2 extra points as a curve. This will bump my grade on this test up to an 80% and my grade for the class up to a 72.5% a C!!!

Praise God!!!

Thank you all for your prayers! I'm still struggling with some aspects and decisions. Please pray for wisdom and courage.

Prayers

I'm asking for prayers. I can't go into details on this, but I definitely could use your prayers. The situations that I've found myself in are to the unbearable point, and I often wish I were invisible. It's time to make a change and since I can't make myself invisible, I'll have to figure out something else. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks.

Devil Rivets & Heroes!!!

For some reason blogger will not let me put spaces in between paragraphs. So each paragraph is a different color.

Ok so yesterday was a rough day. I'm having a really hard time in the finance class that I'm taking and it's stressing me out big time. Well, yesterday after a horrible hour and a half in class I loaded up my book bag with all the stuff I would need for work, got in my car, and nothing. No engine starting noise, no lights, just a sick beeping noise.

I'm like "ok I'll call Bethany and see if she can give me a ride to work," then remembered that she was about 2 hours away with Phil trying to find a place to live when they move. (Crud! I was going to ask Phil if he could at least check the battery.) So I start making calls, Lorie is super busy, but might be able to give me a ride in half an hour or so, Pastor Pat is at camp, Dean is at camp, Pastor Linda is at camp, Lola is baby-sitting, Katie's car is also broken, and no one else answers the phone or is at work. So I pop the hood and the first question is "ok where in the heck did they hide the battery?" Seriously, you can't see the battery at first glance. I finally found it and got out my tools.

1) First I had to remove this huge obnoxious bar.
2) Then I had to remove one of the three (3? well, maybe it's just 2) fuse boxes that I've found so far.
3) Then I had to remove the wind shield washer fluid thing. This was the hardest! It was held in place by one bolt and two plastic black rivets. Those rivets are straight from the devil!!! I got the first one and it went flying, the second one hit me in the face!!! Like I said straight from the devil!!!
4) Now I can see the battery, but there is this bar over it and one of the bolts is so far down that I can't even get my hand down there, let alone a tool.

By this time I'm hot, sweaty, and filthy. I've talked to Tim (very busy brother with auto shop), Travis (not busy brother, with some car knowledge), and Mom (moral support). Had a break down; cried so hard I couldn't see, and my face is still stinging from that devil rivet. And after all that work I still can't get the stupid battery out.

Lorie called back and said that she could give me a ride so I took her up on the offer, put all the pieces back together. (It was a lot easier to put it together than it was to take it apart.)

Got to work, did stuff there. Carolyn came and got me and took me to the softball games. Bethany and Phil showed up for the second game and they took me home.

Then today Phil took my car apart again. He now has this nifty extender thing for his ratchet. (I need one of those for Christmas Dad.) He then took me to Wal-mart, helped me find the right kind of car battery and then put it in. Also while Phil was trying to get my battery out Bethany and I took the giant bike I'd just got back to Wal-mart and exchanged it for a kids bike that I can actually ride. Yes, a kids bike!

So Phil and Bethany are officially my new heroes!!! Thanks for all your help! What am I going to do when you move away??? (I'm gonna get that dang ratchet extender!)

I passed!!!

Just thought I'd let you all know that I passed "Accounting for Investing and Finance" with a C! I've never been so glad to get a C in my life!!!

Johnny & June

Found a new song!!!

It's by Heidi Newfield and it's called

Johnny & June.

I love this song, but I really put it on here for Lindsey, 'cause I think she'll love it too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woxYkcRYE7E